to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
