some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Its about making memories worth repressing
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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