Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
