What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Sext me about skeletons
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
