5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
