Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
And then my night got REAL pukey
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
