its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
