Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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