new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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