Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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