I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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