just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
