I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
