Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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