Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
