god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
