so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
