Porn is love you can see.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
you never un-have a 4some
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
