just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
