Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
