exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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