im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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