I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
