I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
