Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
