Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
