Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
