I'm lost and stupid without you.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
