I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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