my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
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