I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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