please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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