He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
