what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
His hands were made for my vagina.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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