9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
