if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
