can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
