The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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