My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
