i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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