I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
