saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
