Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
