I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
