i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
pop tarts are not kleenex
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
