Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
