I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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