I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
