Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Randomize
