Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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