dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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