hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
