Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
